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Still, "Unfriended" works because its creators capably lead viewers around by the nose. "Unfriended: Dark Web" doesn't because its makers have a bunch of ideas, but fail to synthesize them in any meaningful way. The result is an unbelievable social critique built on the back of a Rube Goldberg-esque series of unbelievable, cruel plot twists that will make even the most credulous moviegoer roll their eyes in disbelief. Maybe future viewers will get a kick out of this film's campy depiction of a vast internet-enabled conspiracy that's foisted onto Matias (Colin Woodell), his deaf girlfriend Amaya (Stephanie Nogueras), and their pals after Matias acquires a mysterious used laptop. But today—when most viewers probably don't know or care what the "dark web" is—"Unfriended: Dark Web" looks pretty desperate.

For starters: Matias's actions are so hatefully stupid that he made me appreciate the relatively advanced problem-solving skills of the sexually active protagonists from '80s slasher films. Unlike those kids, who were just horny in the wrong places, Matias seems to be allergic to logic. He impulsively opens more computer programs—which he has to decrypt, log in to, and repeatedly engage with—and interacts with more strangers than any thinking, feeling person ever could. 

Matias ignores several big, bold warning signs, like the portentous screen names of his stalkers (they all call themselves "Charon," which prompts a hilariously insipid Wikipedia search for information on the Greek underworld's ferryman). One anonymous interlocutor has an unsettling request: he wants Matias to "trephine" a girl (another Wiki-explanation: "trephining" is when you drill a hole into a human skull). Also, all of Matias' adversaries communicate using a shady private chat room called "The River" that looks like torch-lit sewer canal from the similarly crude and gory "Doom" computer games. What year is this, and how slow is the dial-up modem?

By now, you've probably figured out that Matias is the kind of dumb-dumb horror movie protagonist whose contrived behavior only makes sense as a means of pushing along his obnoxious story. Each new plot development is so slapdash and uninspired that it's impossible to suspend one's disbelief. I can't even tell if the baddies' use of a make-shift sound board and a well-timed van (yes, it's just a regular, gas-fueled van) are supposed to be funny, or are just unintentionally lame. I'm leaning towards the latter since it's impossible to take seriously a movie where a sassy but defenseless deaf girl is repeatedly imperiled by a faceless internet-enabled killer who uses a goofy-sounding hacking tool to send all-caps chat room threats to his victims (a distorted chiming noise can be heard every time the evil hacker contacts Matias; it sounds like the hacker's cell phone is ringing while he's accidentally flushing it down the toilet). 

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